Coddle or confront: Should Kansans offer each other the truth or wish-washy affirmations?

As Kansans, writes opinion editor Clay Wirestone, we owe one another the truth during challenging times. That's the only way to move forward. (Tim Carpenter/Kansas Reflector)

What do we owe one another?

This strikes me as one of the most important questions facing Kansans and Americans today. When our family, friends and neighbors pursue a harmful course, do we offer them unthinking affirmation or do we push back and challenge them for the harm they inflict? Do we insist on responsibility over rationalization?

This comes to mind because of two recent regional stories that have riveted readers from coast to coast. One was the arrest of Coldwater Mayor Joe Ceballos on voter fraud charges. The other was the failing grade given to University of Oklahoma student Samantha Fulnecky for a lousy essay. Her case has nonetheless ignited a firestorm of conservative grievance, including an unhelpful Twitter post from Kansas gubernatorial candidate Jeff Colyer.

In each case, those following the news face a disquieting choice — sympathize or scrutinize.

If you choose to scrutinize, does that make you somehow complicit in our fractured public debate? If you choose to pat participants on the head and say you feel their pain, do you let them off the hook? To put it brutally simply: Do we tell others the truth or dispense comforting lies?

I’m a professional opinion editor and columnist. You probably know where I stand. I believe that public officials, public policies and the public as a whole should be challenged when warranted. That doesn’t mean I’m judging anyone’s soul, or saying anyone is a good or bad person. It means that people make bad choices and I write about them. Perhaps, if enough people take my words to heart, they will make better ones.

You can watch this dynamic play out in the case of Fulnecky, an OU pre-med student. She wrote a reaction essay to a scholarly article about “gender typicality, peer relations, and mental health.” Her instructor gave the junior 0 points out of a possible 25, saying the piece “does not answer the questions for this assignment, contradicts itself, heavily uses personal ideology over empirical evidence in a scientific class, and is at times offensive.”

In pre-social media days, you would usually have to take both parties’ word in such conflicts. In our modern era, however, the campus chapter of Turning Point USA posted Fulnecky’s assignment directly to Twitter.

“Women naturally want to do womanly things because God has created us with those womanly desires in our hearts,” she wrote. “The same goes for men.”

That’s subpar. Rather than demonstrating genuine engagement with the article, the student filibusters about her religious beliefs. And rather than take her instructor’s reaction to heart and acknowledge her shortcomings, Fulnecky sought martyrdom by running to a campus conservative organization.

I’m an old-fashioned kind of person. I thought universities were meant to challenge students, not coddle them.

Conservative writer Richard Hanania snarked: “You have to pass students who only cite religious faith for their opinions now or they’re victims of discrimination.”

As for the mess in Coldwater, I’ve had my say. I’ve heard from folks in the area and understand how personally those words landed. My column wasn’t intended to harm anyone. However, I wanted to provoke a twinge of discomfort — perhaps in the way that Fulnecky’s teacher wanted her to contemplate complex issues. I’m not sure how anyone learns otherwise.

In a wildly different context, former President George W. Bush criticized the “soft bigotry of low expectations.”

Well, my expectations are high. For conservatives and liberals and moderates, for Republicans and Democrats and independents. Use the brains God gave you and don’t act foolishly.

In my four-plus years of doing this job, I have tried to walk the line between empathizing with individuals and spotlighting harmful actions and beliefs. I have tried to focus on the fact that every one of us can choose to do better. We can choose to change and lift one another up rather than push one another down. 

That requires confronting tough truths and committing to introspection.

Well, my expectations are high. For conservatives and liberals and moderates, for Republicans and Democrats and independence. Use the brains God gave you and don’t make fools of yourselves

I will never — in the stories mentioned above or any others to come — offer comforting platitudes. Neither should you. The fact is, our fellow Kansans don’t always want to do the right thing. Sometimes they ignore pressing needs. Sometimes they just behave terribly.

It doesn’t do any of us any good to pretend otherwise.

Clay Wirestone is Kansas Reflector opinion editor. Through its opinion section, Kansas Reflector works to amplify the voices of people who are affected by public policies or excluded from public debate. Find information, including how to submit your own commentary, here.